Natty

Everybody who’s ever had a puppy thinks that their puppy is the cutest puppy ever. But the thing is, they’re all wrong. My puppy is far cuter. Everyone else’s puppies are crap.

Doing Business

The thing they don’t tell you about getting a puppy is that you start to spend a disproportionate amount of time worrying about dog poop.

It’s a little unnerving.

All of the sudden, your world pretty much revolves around bowel movements. You rearrange your calendar entirely on when the dog has to go. Your mood hangs in the balance of whether the dog goes outside or in. And if she starts sniffing the floor, you jump on her like a live hand grenade.

In a way, I guess it makes you appreciate the small things.

Before Natty, I never knew the sheer joy and relief that could come when someone poops in my backyard instead of in my kitchen. In reality, it’s only the difference of about 3 feet. But that 3 feet makes all the difference.

They say football is a game of inches. I guess you could say the same about dog poop.

About Writing

Lewis Black on being a writer:

"I decided that I wanted to be a writer, because there were no requirements. All you had to say was, 'I am a writer,' and you became one. You didn't even have to write anything. You could just sit in a coffee shop with a notebook and stare into space, with a slightly bemused look on your face, judging the weight of the world with a jaundiced eye. As you can see, you can be completely full of shit and still be a writer. Okay, maybe that's the one requirement."

(I have no idea what he's talking about...)